Breaking The Habit: How To Identify And Challenge Patterns That Prevent You From Taking Action

We always wanted to live life the way we wanted to, but this is not always the outcome for all of us. We experience detours, life transitions, and other roadblocks. How can we achieve fulfillment in our lives? In this episode, some of the things preventing and limiting us from taking action for ourselves are discussed. We all have our internal world consisting of our spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical aspects. We should always focus on building our internal world so that everything else externally will manifest. We live a life full of patterns and just repeat the same thing every day. Listen to take action and break the habit!

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Breaking The Habit: How To Identify And Challenge Patterns That Prevent You From Taking Action

If you are thinking to boost your clarity in any decision you have been wanting to make or any situation that you are going through, you keep asking yourself, "Is this the right decision, approach or path for me?" I want you to go right now to my show notes because I have prepared a free and simple three-question framework for you to go through. By answering these questions, I promise you will feel a lot clearer and you will start creating fulfilling outcomes out of the decisions you are making. Go right now or you can go to YBCoaching.com/Clarity. Enjoy the episode.

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We are going to talk about a behavioral pattern that you are probably running that is preventing you from taking proactive and aligned action so you can live a happy, fulfilled and joyful life. Something important to remember is that one of the main lessons and purposes of life is to start mastering our inner world. It's to start mastering our spiritual, mental, emotional and physical space because when we do that, everything else externally changes for the better.

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel empowered, excited, motivated and it doesn't matter what happens outside? You see the situations with a new perspective. You feel like it doesn't matter what happens. You got it. Have you ever been in a situation where you feel frustrated, challenged, hopeless and it doesn't matter how many great things are happening around you? You feel not motivated. You feel that there is an excitement lacking. You start asking yourself, "If I have everything I could have ever dreamt of, why? I have a good family, house, salary or business and I still feel empty."

Let's start prioritizing our internal world because the external world naturally will follow. Whenever we have mastered our mind and body, everything else externally will manifest. That's why, unfortunately, you see people with great bodies, millionaires and multibillionaires. They have everything that you would think they have everything. One day, they decide to leave this Earth, take their life and commit suicide. Unfortunately, that's what happens. That's why it's so important to prioritize our mental, emotional and physical well-being.

I'm a human. Sometimes it happens to me too. Many times, I see people prioritizing an external element instead of realizing that everything comes from the inside. Whenever you are calm, centered, and balanced inside, it doesn't matter what happens outside. You can manage everything. You can start responding instead of reacting. You can start taking responsibility for change and realizing that we are not the victim of circumstances, realizing that life is not happening to us. Life is happening for us. Life is happening because there are many lessons to be learned. There is so much growth that we have.

Let's start prioritizing our internal world because the external world naturally will follow.

 

Humans have been created to keep growing to be creators of their reality. Whenever we lack this muscle of creativity, this muscle we feel we are in control, then at the same time, we are growing and defining it in a direction that is making us fulfilled and we are walking on that path. When there is a lack of that sense of belonging, then we feel stuck and overwhelmed. We are the big things that the world is happening to us. I want you to start noticing your behavioral patterns because, in order to start mastering your internal world, you've got to start noticing the sequence of the patterns you are running your life.

If you notice your life, everything we do is a pattern. We wake up, drink coffee, meditate, read a book, start work, have lunch, continue work, have dinner, talk to our partners, go to bed, wake up the next day and repeat the same thing. That's a daily routine but if you think about your life, you are probably running the same patterns over and over. Your husband or partner does something. You get triggered. After you get triggered, this happens. After that happened, the next thing happened. Many things in our lives are repeats of past circumstances. Many times in the present moment, in the moment of now, we keep reliving the past.

Here's the thing. If we keep reliving our past, there is no way we can create a new empowered future. I want to make you aware of one pattern that you are probably running. It's one pattern that I used to run too and I had to learn when I was facing enough pain to realize that was it. This pattern is waiting until you hit rock-bottom and crisis mode in order for you to make a shift, make a decision you have never made before and create an empowered reality that may be different than your past reality or that excites you, fires you up or lights you up when you wake up.

When you wake up, you get excited, ready to go motivated. Many times, we wait until the pain is intolerable of the situation that we are in, in order to create a new present and future. I'm raising my hand with you because I have done it in the past. I'm going to share with you the shift I had where I started to realize that I didn't have to wait until that moment to make a decision that I truly believed in. I remembered back in 2014. I had been one year and a half of having a corporate job. I had graduated from Chemical Engineering in December 2012.

In March 2013, I had started my first full-time corporate job in the oil and gas industry. I remembered that within two months in that job, I realized that was not it for me. I remember thinking, "It's not it but let's keep pushing. The environment is toxic but let's keep pushing. I just started and graduated. I have been here two months only. Who am I to want more? Who am I to want to create a new reality?" I started asking this question to myself and I had this inner voice telling me, "Yanet, this is not for you. This environment is toxic. You are suffering."

Taking Action: One of the main lessons and one of the main purposes of life is to start mastering our inner world, our spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical space.

I was searching for a mode of pain that I remember every single weekend. During that year and a half that I was in the refinery working as a process engineer, I would be in bed lying down. I was in this mode of being depressed, to honest with you, in this mode of hopelessness, in this mode of like, "I started five years in Chemical Engineering. I did so many internships. I did all of these things and now I'm here in this job that I don't like at all." In my mind, when I look at my mind state at that moment, I am focused on, "This is happening to me. I don't know what is going on. I did what I was supposed to do. Why am I in this moment?"

When you think of that, I was not embracing an empowered state because when you are empowered, you take responsibility for that change. When you are empowered, you tell to yourself, "This is happening. This is not the ideal situation. How can I create a compelling future that I can move towards? How can I start taking action right now? It's not tomorrow or two days from now. It's right now, even if it's a small step in the right direction." I remember lying down in bed and feeling so hopeless. During that moment, I remember after a year and a half, I was supporting a turnaround in the refinery. A turnaround is when you shut down a processing unit to do maintenance on the equipment.

I was supporting this turnaround. I had been working twelve-hour night shifts from 6:00 PM to 6:00 AM for three months. Every two weeks of working twelve hours every day, I will get a day off. I remember being in this state of pain. At the same time, I was trying to smile at people but inside, I was suffering so hard. I remembered that a turnaround had finished. At that moment, my mom had moved with me from Puerto Rico to Houston. The turnaround had finished, and we were preparing the unit to introduce the oil back into the reactor. We were beginning to start up the unit because it was shut down.

I remember it was a weekend. Thankfully, I was working from home. I was checking the temperature of the reactor and making sure things were going well for us to introduce the oil to it so we can start up the unit because the moment the unit is down, you start losing money. You want to start that up quickly. There is a moment of stress and anxiety. I was on call 24/7. I would get calls at 2:00 AM, 3:00 AM, and 4:00 AM. That job was so stressful for me. Some people enjoyed it. It's okay for you to define a reality that is different than other people.

We are all different. Part of this life's purpose is for you to realize what lights you up and what motivates you. You don't have to be like other people. You were born unique. Define your own path and start walking it. At that moment, I didn't have that wisdom. My mom was living with me. It was a weekend. I was looking at the computer. I was checking all the process variables, temperature and pressure, making sure everything looked fine. She tells me, "Yanet, I need milk." At that moment, my mom wasn't comfortable enough to drive on the mainline. She was a little bit scared and I was like, "I will take you."

Everything we do is a pattern.

 

I'm super stressed because I'm looking at this and they may call me when we are in the grocery store. We went to a grocery store and I was looking at my phone all the time. I was in stress mode. I was like, "They are going to call me and I'm not in front of my computer." I was creating a lot of anxiety in my body. We finalized grocery shopping. When we went to the trunk to put our bags, suddenly, my left arm felt completely numb. I couldn't feel anything in my left arm. On my chest, there was a pressure that was so intense. The first thought in my mind was, "I'm going to die because I have heard that these are symptoms of a heart attack. I'm going to die today."

I remember driving to the emergency room because, in my mind, I was going to die and my body was reflecting that. It went into survival mode. When you think of this, you start realizing how powerful the mind is that can instruct the body how to behave whenever you are in survival mode. Remember, everything is here in our heads and mind. That's why we need to invest time, energy and money. That's why we need to invest in mastering what goes on inside our heads. I go to the emergency room. Whenever I was driving to the emergency room, I thought to myself, "Today, I'm going to die."

I cannot believe the last year and a half of my life I have been complaining. I have been the victim of circumstances. I have been in a situation where I have felt hopeless because I have created it because I didn't take action. I didn't know what to do at that moment. I didn't have maybe the resources that I needed at that moment to handle the situation. I felt, "I wasted one year and a half of my life being there in a situation that I didn't want to be in and now this is happening. What difference did I make in the world? What difference did I make in myself?" I remember having all these reflections in a matter of seconds.

I got to the emergency room and they took an electrocardiogram to make sure my heart was okay. Eight hours after, the doctor came. I was like, "What is going on? I must not be dying when they took eight hours." Eight hours, the doctor came and he was like, "Everything looks good. I want you to go home, drink a glass of wine and relax. This was a panic attack." I was like, "What? A panic attack?" At that moment, I didn't even know what that was. I had never heard of a panic attack in my life until I went through my first and last one, thankfully.

I thought to myself, "This needs to stop right now, this pain and suffering. I'm letting external circumstances control me. It controls who I am, my worth and my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health." In a matter of seconds, I had a shift. I made a decision that enough was enough. I started to believe more in listening to that inner voice because that inner voice had told me for a year and a half that I wasn't aligned with the situation that I was facing. I started to show commitment and take responsibility for change. That's when I started to gain clarity in my direction and take aligned decisions that were leading towards that compelling future that I'm talking about.

Taking Action: Everything is in our mind. That's what we need to invest in: time, energy, and money.

I'm not exaggerating. I have many stories to tell. At 2:00 AM that night, I sent a meeting invite to who was my supervisor for 10:00 AM the next day. That was Sunday. At 2:00 AM, I drafted my resignation letter. I showed up there at 10:00 AM. I print the letter. I'm like, "I'm ready. I'm going to step up. This is who I am. This is the new me." I met with my supervisor and he was like, "I knew something was going on because you sent me this at 2:00 AM for 10:00 AM. What is going on?" I was like, "I quit." He was like, "We don't want to lose you. Maybe there is something we can negotiate. Maybe there is something we can talk or something that would align better with who you are or what you want to do."

After a couple of hours of conversations, I was like, "Let's see. Maybe there is something." We ended up negotiating that I was going to do my research and see what organizations within that same corporation piqued my interest. They were going to help me to get there. That's exactly what I did. I was searching for people-oriented organizations because it's always in my mind. I had this vision and mission of wanting to help as many people as I could to master their mental and emotional states so they could create the life of their dreams and the life they were meant to be so they could harness their highest potential and live a fulfilled, happy and joyful life. Thankfully, that's what I'm doing now full-time. That's why I'm here, to serve you guys.

I started to research. I remember going into the intranet. That's the internal internet of the company. I remember searching for people-oriented organizations. HR popped up and I was like, "That's awesome." The public affairs and then supply chain popped up. The first thing that I see is a presentation on how to develop people. I was like, "That is a sign. That is it." I started to talk to different people in the supply chain and network. I asked for the name of the supervisor. I went far. I was like, "I need the name of the supervisor because then my supervisor needs to talk to this supervisor for me to get there." I got that name from the supervisor and then I gave it to my supervisor.

I remember going into her room and saying, "I have done my homework. This is the name that you need to contact so you can start working on the transfer." That is exactly what happened. After six months, I was in the supply chain organization. The supply chain didn't know anything about SAP and the technology. They didn't know the how, but my what and why were so clear that I was committed to figuring out anything for me to harness that in power to create more alignment and fulfillment in my life. I spent four years in the supply chain and I loved it. I was doing well there.

It was that moment where I realized that I didn't want to wait for pain being unbearable for me to take an aligned and bold decision. These decisions, I'm not going to lie. They are challenging at the moment because you are leaving something great to get something better. You are losing something great to work towards the potential of something that you know is going to bring the best out of you. For four years, I was in the supply chain and I realized, "I'm doing great. I have a great salary. I had been promoted to Senior Category Manager."

After three months of being promoted, I started researching, "What other thing can I do that gets me closer to this vision of helping and serving people?" I wasn't coaching on the side, building my business and taking many certifications. That's something I started in 2014 and I never paused. I kept going with my nine years of a corporate career. In my mind, I always knew that I was going to have a business full-time. I was going to serve and help people. That was never a question mark in my mind. I remember, "What other step in corporate can I take to get me closer to my vision of helping people?"

If we keep reliving our past, there is no way we can create a new, empowered future.

 

I remember researching and I started to see a trend. A lot of people were leaving the refinery to go to strategy and management consulting. I messaged one of these people that I knew and I was like, "How is consulting?" He was like, "It's great. I love it." I was like, "Talk to me. I want to know everything." I realized consulting was all about helping people. In this case, it's helping corporations and the culture. When the asset of the consulting companies are the people, the culture is so much more different than what I experienced working for an oil and gas company.

It's so much more different in the culture and environment. Everything was very people-oriented. The work was interesting because you get to benchmark between different corporations and what they are doing. I spent two years there and I loved it. I love the people. The work was interesting. One of the best relationships that I have is with the people from the last job that I had because they are human beings. They relate to you and you relate to them. Money works out naturally when you are investing time, like in any relationship.

After two years, I was promoted. I got promoted within a year to Consulting Manager. I was involved in many leadership and business development activities. I was doing a lot and I was doing well. I experienced a loss in my life of a close relative. It's someone that was a role model to me and someone special to me. He passed away from cancer. I started questioning myself, "What am I afraid of? I do have my direction. I have the clarity that I want to be a full-time coach and speaker and help as many people as I can. I have been two years here. What am I waiting for?" I feel mortality can be our best friend. I'm going to do an episode about this, realizing that life is a temporary thing and we think we have time.

I was like, "I'm going to take this decision." I made that shift inside me. I didn't wait until I hated my job or until I felt I didn't have control over the situation. I was like, "I'm going to make a decision right now." When I left my last corporate job, I was at the peak of the career that I had experienced in those two years. I was doing well. I had to make the decision within myself. I remember feeling that peace and saying, "This is it. I'm going to do it because I believe in myself and life is temporary. I don't know if tomorrow I'm going to be here, so I'm going to do it right now."

I told Cody, my fiancé, and my mom. I called my manager and I told him. They were like, "We want to support your dream. We will miss you." They are so supportive. It's something that I had never seen in a corporation, to be honest with you. I went on. I transitioned from corporate to full-time entrepreneurship. As some of you know, back in April 2021, I will be one year soon. I cannot believe it. I enjoyed every step of the way. Some steps are more challenging than others and those are the ones that you learn the most. We got to remember that.

Taking Action: Sometimes there are things that we define for ourselves that we don't do because it's just us. But whenever we make it about serving other people then our motivation is a lot bigger.

Many times, we are in situations where it doesn't feel aligned. Our values and beliefs don't align with that situation. It can be at work like that moment where I decided that enough was enough in my refinery job as a process engineer. It can be in romantic relationships. This is a pattern I used to run in romantic relationships. I'm going to raise my hand here with all of you. I remember before Cody, my fiancé, I would be in relationships since the beginning. I'm not exaggerating. In the first 3 or 4 dates, I saw a red flag and I would keep pushing it.

I would fall in love with the potential instead of seeing what was currently happening. I would tell myself, "I can tolerate a little bit more of this. Pain, I got this." I would be running this pattern over and over in relationships. I started to realize that in my last relationship prior to Cody, after three years and a half of that relationship and observing red flags for me, every person is different. I went through the same shift, "Enough is enough." I started to respect my boundaries. That's a pattern that we may be running to, not respecting and being clear with our boundaries.

When you start respecting those, the universe will say, "I'm going to send you something better." That's when Cody appeared and we got engaged. We are happy. Like any relationship, we have challenges and happy days. We are aligned value-wise on our experiences and priorities. It's important. That's what I want for all of you too. It happened in career and romantic relationships. This is the thing. When you program yourself, when you get comfortable with waiting until pain comes to make a shift or decision, guess what happens when you make that decision and you don't have that pain anymore?

Your motivation disappears because your only motivator and decision driver was that pain you were experiencing at that moment. You make the shift and then that pain disappears. You are like, "I lost the motivation." You are faced with the same situation. They are not aligned with your values and then you are the same. You wait for the pain to appear until the pain is intolerable or unbearable and then you make a shift. You keep running the same pattern over and over. All your decision drivers in this particular situation have been to move away from the pain.

The only motivator in this pattern that we are discussing has been to move away from the pain. When the pain disappears, the motivation disappears. How you can break this pattern is you got to define and gain clarity on your compelling future. You got to find your purpose, "What moves you? What fires you up? What lights you up? What is that for you?" Whenever you find it, this has to be higher than yourself. Sometimes there are things that we define for ourselves that we don't do because it's just us. Whenever we make it about serving other people and about us growing by helping other people, then our motivation is a lot bigger.

Breaking away from patterns is to first be aware of your patterns.

 

Our purpose then is a higher purpose. Our vision is higher than ourselves. It's important to understand, "What do you stand for? What is your mission statement?" I want you to take a few seconds. Write it down. Maybe it's three sentences. It's nothing too complicated. What do you stand for? Who is the person that you want to be? What do you want to be doing whenever you are that person? What do you want to have by being that person and doing what that person is doing?

Whenever you have that direction, you start making a decision to move towards something that you are aspiring to. It's to move towards a compelling future and a higher purpose rather than waiting for the pain to appear and be unbearable for you to move away from that pain. I have the perfect example of physical health. I have seen so many people in physical health. For example, if they are overweight, they don't have to be overweight to be unhealthy. Maybe they have a fast metabolism. If you are eating healthy food, sometimes they wait until the pain is here and until the doctor tells you, "You have diabetes," in order for them to make a shift.

It happened to me, not to that extreme. Let me give you a concrete example. I had this beautiful friend. I love her, Christine. She got married. We bought her bridesmaid dress pre-COVID. At that moment in time, I was the fittest I had been physically. I had completely forgotten about the size of the dress. One month before the wedding, I tried the dress on. It wouldn't go up. I'm not exaggerating. This is embarrassing but it's true. It would stop in my hips and then I was like, "I'm in trouble. I can do it. In one month, I will work out and eat healthily. I got this. I'm going to fit in that dress and look amazing."

I had motivation but what was the motivation? I was moving away from not fitting in that dress. That was my decision driver. That was the motivation. I lost weight. I looked amazing at the wedding. I was like, "I feel amazing." The wedding passed. With that, the dress passed too and my motivation left too because now I didn't have to fit in the dress. Now, I could be free. I fell into this pattern that I'm talking about. I'm waiting for the next dress or the next thing to appear in order for me to take care of my physical health. That is not healthy at all.

I remember I applied my lessons learned because I'm a human. I was like, "Yanet, this is what is happening. You have gained weight after you were able to fit in that dress because your motivation passed. The motivation wasn't moving away from versus moving towards. What is the ideal person you want to be physically? Based on that, what do you do? What are your values in physical health? Is it fun or enjoyment?" When I had that clear, I started to take care more of my body. Physical is linked to mental and emotional with everything else.

Taking Action: So many times when you work in yourself, many situations externally start shifting because your perspective starts shifting.

That was a perfect example of how sometimes we wait for situations or circumstances to control our motivation. I want you to start right now. Write down three sentences, "What is your mission statement for your life? What is your vision? Who is the person that you want to be? What do you want to be doing? What do you want to have?" My mission statement is to help as many people to master their inner world, their mental and emotional world, so they can live the life they are meant to live and create their reality. They can live their dreams. They can live on purpose, fulfilled, happy and joyful.

That's what moves me. When I wake up, I think of that and that excites me because I'm here to serve you all and with that, I grow. Remember, the two aspects of fulfillment are growing and giving. You got to have those two to be fulfilled. How do you grow? You need to grow here more than anything, mentally and emotionally. It's harnessing that inner power you were born with because you got it. Once you define those three sentences, don't overthink them. It's the first thing that comes to mind.

Once you define that, ask yourself, "Are my current circumstances aligned to who I want to be? My values, are they aligned to that? If not, let's move into action. What are you doing about it?" You can start taking one step right now. Please do not do it tomorrow. Why? It's because tomorrow will never come. Start right now. How do you break that pattern of waiting until crisis mode appears to make a shift or an empowered change? How you break, it is first being aware of your patterns, especially this pattern. How you are showing up is being aware of it. Once you are aware, you can decide to change it.

How you decide to change it to create a compelling future of yourself is something that you are moving toward. It's something that every day, you are taking responsibility for change. You are creating your new reality because you have a very clear why. The how will manifest. No worries about that. Be clear on the why and the what. Once you are clear, start assessing your life and career, "Is this aligned with the person that I want to be?" Sometimes it's here, "Am I aligned mentally, emotionally and physically with the person I want to be?" Many times when you work in yourself, many situations externally start shifting because your perspective starts shifting.

I hope this was a powerful episode because it is a pattern that many times prevents us from taking aligned and proactive action. When you don't feel in control of your life and decisions and when you are making them, when you don't feel in control of your internal state, your mental, emotional and physical, everything else around you feels a little bit darker. I want you to light up and start controlling that. Start controlling the only thing you have control of, which is your internal world. I hope you have a wonderful week and I hope you enjoyed it. Please share this episode with anyone who may benefit. Take care. See you next week.

Important Links:

• YBCoaching.com/Wellness5MinsRoutine
• YBCoaching.com/Clarity
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• YouTube - With Clarity & Purpose