Coffee with Yanet and Nikki: How To Unleash Your Empowered Self
Nov 22, 2022
We encounter challenges, doubts, and fears on a daily basis. Unleashing your empowered self is the key to facing these obstacles, and that takes an inner dive within yourself. In this new segment, Nikki Rineholt returns to join Yanet Borrego to talk about personal empowerment by exploring their own share of difficult times and how they handled them. They discuss what it takes to be resilient despite the many uncertainties, shut down unnecessary noise, and get in touch with a higher being. The two also look back on how they met, got along despite their different personalities, and work together to guide others on a journey towards empowerment.
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Coffee with Yanet and Nikki: How To Unleash Your Empowered Self
Welcome to another episode. I am super excited because we are trying something new. This episode is Coffee with Yanet and Nikki. Nikki, how are you?
Yanet, how are you?
I'm doing great. If you have been following this show for a while, we had Nikki as a guest. She did an amazing job. Honestly, Nikki has been a past client but she's one of my best friends. We talk on the phone almost every single day. This idea came because usually, we have pretty deep conversations. Nikki and I love personal development. We are invested in our journey and are always looking for opportunities to continue growing. We were having one of these deep conversations. I was like, "We need to make a similar topic an episode because why not?" This is the week of Thanksgiving 2022. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I hope you're having an amazing time. Go ahead, Nikki.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Happy Thanksgiving from Yanet and Nikki. Coffee with Yanet and Nikki is a different format I wanted to follow before. It is like solo episodes and having guests. Nikki has been a guest before. We are having a conversation about a specific topic. We will go with the flow and see what comes up. I have an idea but let's see. I love these conversations that flow. We have a good time having them.
It's going to be fun. I want to start with how Nikki and I met. It's a fun story. Nikki and I met back in 2019. We were taking our Master Practitioner of NLP. NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming. There is a whole episode explaining what NLP is about. We met in 2019. Nikki, I'm going to let you say the story of how we specifically met. Let's go.
We met when we were both looking for roommate situations through the email chain that the company provides for people who are looking for roommates. I emailed Sally and you must have emailed Sally. We all got on a thread together and agreed to be roommates for 2 weeks with 4 people in a hotel room.
These weren't separate rooms. There were four people in a hotel room.
They have never met in their life.
We never met before. Nikki, let me tell you something. This was the first time in my life because even for the practitioner training, which goes before Master Prac, which is the one we took in 2019, I stayed by myself. I'm like, "I don't know anyone but I'm going to stay by myself." This was the first time that I stayed with four people in a hotel room. I don't know any of them, which was crazy to me but I was up for the adventure. How do you feel? How was it for you?
I like to do so many things on the tightest budget that I can. That way, I can do more things. The more roommates, the better in my mind because that means the cost goes down. I showed horses my whole life and traveled. I'm used to being with strangers but I usually know somebody, not for two whole weeks in a whole other state. I was in Maryland where I live. This was in California. It's the whole other side of the country but I had full confidence.
It felt like it was the right thing to do. I was nervous a little but I never had to worry. That was the funniest part. I remember everybody introducing themselves and saying a little bit about each other. We waited because the training was a couple of weeks later than the initial onset of the email chain. I arrive at the training. Our next roommate, Sally, comes in. We are sitting in the hotel restaurant.
You were eating a burger. I remember that because I was like, "I'm going to eat healthily." I see Nikki super in shape eating a burger. I'm like, "What's going on? I want that burger."
Sally and I were sitting there talking. We see Yanet. We were like, "Yanet." We were so excited.
Sally has such a good personality. She was the go that we all needed. I'm glad she was coordinating the whole effort. The cool thing about it is that each one of us has a different personality. We were focused on our routine and then going to training. It worked out great. I was very pleasantly surprised.
It was interesting because you and Sally were the younger of the two. Kathleen and I were closer in proximity in age and the older of the two. Kathleen was from the West Coast. You and Sally are from the Central. I'm from the East. It was a perfect dynamic. We were all there to learn. It was so much fun. I can't even believe how easily it came together.
I love that. I wanted to talk about that because sometimes, we are so afraid of trying new things. We are so afraid of the uncertainty that comes with going on new adventures, trying new things or staying with new people that we don't even know anything about. Part of life is staying present and letting go of any attachment to how things are going to go. Simply participate and have faith that things are going to work out.
Here's the thing. They were either going to work out or they weren't.
If they weren't, that's a lesson for all of us.
We could make the best of it even if it didn't work out. We were there for personal growth training. If there would have been stickiness, it would have been an opportunity for us to learn.
It's funny because this training is very well-developed. Even at the beginning of the training, they tell you, "Your stuff is going to come up. You're going to get triggered." It's important that you recognize that's coming from within you and that you deal with it or find someone who can help you deal with it. Isn't that life? Isn't that empowerment? It's knowing that someone else triggered you. You are feeling jealous. Something is happening within you. You're taking responsibility for that and doing something about it. That's empowerment.
What's so interesting too that you mentioned is that we're taught by society, the world, the programming and everything going on outside of us that it isn't from within. It's from someone else. It's from outside of ourselves. When in actuality, that programming was put there somehow some way by someone. That's where the thoughts came from. We didn't come out of the womb with these thoughts. We didn't come out with jealousy and all the things out of the womb.
That's generational but that's a whole other day. We get programmed by the things going on around us and then we automatically assume it's outside of us because how could it be from inside of us? Once I learned a whole new way of thinking that I could think a new thought, I didn't have to think the way that I was taught as a child. To your point, there's something inside of me.
This is where this comes from. It doesn't come from outside of me. There are so many new ways of thinking. It was probably one of the most powerful, "I can control this. I can take responsibility." I get to own my part and then that releases the other person from control or being in charge. I'm not a victim of their behavior. I get to decide. I'll push you in the driver's seat.
It puts the responsibility on us. That's the most soothing and comfortable feeling of knowing that we have control of the most important part, which is how we feel, think and act. That's the only thing we need to control. That's what matters at the end of the day. When you show up empowered, you will be able to also affect your environment positively because you're not reacting anymore. Even for a fight, two people are required to argue.
If you are in your zone of empowerment, you know how to respond better to the situation so you don't get into it. We're getting triggered and reacting to things. We all go through it. We are human beings. We are all working on that. You're not the only one. We have the tools to be able to self-regulate ourselves better. That comes with practice. That's a lifelong process.
Letting yourself get carried away by a situation gives control to the environment and the person. When you put the finger outside of you and start blaming that person, "It's my husband. He made me feel this way. It's my boss. He promoted this person. It's his fault or her fault," then you are giving control to that person of how you feel. You have lost control over your response or reaction. Nikki, let's be honest. When you're in the situation or when you're triggered, it's freaking hard to recognize this.
It's funny. Now that we're coaches and do the work that we do, we see other people doing it, yet when I'm in it myself sometimes I don't see myself doing it. I'm like, "I don't do that." I'm in the middle of the store but I'm doing it. I'm like, "What's going on?"
Honestly, that's why you need coaches, therapists, professional help or even if it's a friend that is trained. That's why you need someone external to use sometimes to point you those blind spots that you don't recognize yourself. Many things are unconscious. It's crazy. I'm going to be super vulnerable here. I thought I got a good hold of my unconscious mind but after I went through a miscarriage, I thought I had a great understanding of everything.
I had a miscarriage. The next day, I had a breakthrough session. I'm productive. I'm feeling well within the circumstances. I cried and all of this for two days but I was feeling pretty grounded. It wasn't until my trip to Hawaii where I spent three weeks digging deeper into personal development and spiritual growth that I started feeling those waves of grief. In the beginning, I didn't know what it was. Maybe I still don't know.
Who cares where coming from? What I know is that it's important to let those emotions flow within you so you can allow the space to get back in control because whenever you feel those emotions, it's so contradictory in a way. You want to control those emotions and say, "I'm in control," but there is a point where you have to let yourself feel whatever is happening.
With control sometimes comes resistance. With resistance sometimes comes to the ability to not let go of whatever you're experiencing. Isn't that weird? It's the duality of life. I had to allow myself to feel those emotions, which were uncomfortable and go through the emotional ride. Even after I came back from Hawaii, it took me two weeks to fully feel integrated. Those are things I wasn't conscious of before I got to Hawaii, which is crazy to me. It's such a beautiful journey of life.
If I'm able to share some of your vulnerability through our conversations, we would talk every day or almost every day. You would share some things and I would say, "Yanet, you're going through a lot though. It's okay." You were like, "I should be able to do whatever." When you have the tools that we have, you think, "I should be able to use this tool and fix myself." You're human to that point. There's no timeframe for that grief. You can't say, "I've grieved for a week. I'm good now."
We're taught to suppress and push emotions to the side, "Don't deal with them. Don't let anybody else see them." There's such a stigma around mental wellness overall. People will tell me, "Do this or that." If I'm not right for you, that's okay but this is who I am. This is what I'm going through. I need to allow these things because to your point, if I'm not processing it, it's never going to leave my body.
I keep pushing it down. It comes up and bubbles up. I push it down instead of letting it bubble up, flow out and then release. Our friend Sally jokes all the time, "We release every day when we go to the bathroom and all the things." If we didn't do that, what would happen? It would all get bottled up inside of us. Emotions are the same but we're taught not to feel them and show them, "That's a weakness." That's not true. That's a false truth.
Emotions are interesting because you may not feel the wave of emotions immediately but they will come whenever they're ready. It may feel chaotic. I remember when I lost my uncle in 2021. It was my first encounter with death to be honest with you because my family is super small. He was the first person that I had experienced passing away from cancer in this case. With him, I cried immediately. I even remember taking calls at work. In the middle of the meeting, I would need to turn off my camera and start crying.
It was this wave that came. There was no control whatsoever. It was like, "I'm coming. That's it." It's such a beautiful thing how your whole body and mind know when you're ready. Whenever that comes, what you're saying is, "Create that space for that to happen whatever might happen without judgment." We are like, "Emotions equal weakness. Don't show emotions. Don't cry at work. Don't cry with your partner. Don't tell your partner everything." There are so many taboos or rules about how we should operate or not.
Who created those rules?
I have no idea. It's society somewhere.
I love it when people will say, "They say this or that." I'm like, "Who are these anyway? Why do they get to decide how I am?" We're all unique human beings. We came here with the lessons we came with. We came here to learn the lessons we're here to learn. If that's the way you believe it, that's how I believe it. We have the experiences we're having. We're meant to have this. I was not taught any of this as a child. I was taught the opposite. We have learned from our Huna training that the Hawaiians celebrate when their stuff comes up because they get to release it. We're taught, "Don't celebrate it. It's awful. Push it down."
"Hide it from everyone."
You get to let go of the thing that has been weighing you down. It's like walking around with a 50-pound weight on your chest. If you were able to put that down, it's like, "I feel like a whole new person."
It's funny because if you think about all of these and our fear to show up our emotions or being vulnerable, it has to do a lot with how we may be perceived from the outside or how people might perceive us. It's pretty much related to all this fear of being rejected and disappointing people. I tell my coaching clients, "Each one of us would take care of our needs and boundaries, respect who we truly are and show up authentically." How freeing is it to show up? If I have makeup or if not, I'm here drinking my coffee with Nikki. How authentic would we be if we let go of any expectations and show up?
I was having a coffee with a previous former peer at Accenture, the company where I used to work. She's a friend too. She was telling me, "Yanet, everyone is worried about what everyone might think of you but no one is thinking about you." I'm like, "That is genius." It's a harsh truth but sometimes, we think we are the center of the universe or that people are always thinking about us or how we may look. The reality is that everyone is so in their heads with their worries and the same thoughts and insecurities you experience. No one is thinking about us. I go through the same. We're human beings but it's such a harsh truth. It's an unpopular truth. No one is thinking about you.
I like how you said it's an unpopular truth because it's true. We want to think, "They're thinking about me because I'm thinking about them." In reality, I'm not even on the radar or their awareness. They're like, "Nikki, what? Who? I don't know." I'm talking in my head. How much conversation goes on in our heads? There's this chatter.
I remember being a little girl. I forget why I was at the ball field. Maybe my brother played or something like that. I had this experience where a lot of people I encounter in personal growth, not everyone, tend to be fly on the wall and not part of the group all the time but more of an observer from the outside. My whole childhood, I was always an outsider. I was never part of a group. I wasn't part of the cool kids, the jocks, this or that. I rode horses. There were some people that I had friendships with but I was never part of any groups in school.
I was always a loner/outsider, not because I wanted to be but because that was where I was. I remember being by myself at the ball field and having all these thoughts. Thoughts go through my head. I'm like, "Where is this even coming from?" I thought to myself one time, "Am I crazy?" I was having conversations with myself but that most likely was my higher self talking. Who knew I had a higher self? I didn't even know what that was.
I love what you're saying about sometimes being an outsider because the most you connect with yourself, the more you tend to make decisions that most people wouldn't make. For example, me transitioning from my successful six-figure job to entrepreneurship. You have been a big part of my journey. That's a decision that 85% to 90% of the people wouldn't take because of many reasons, whatever those reasons might be. The more you connect with yourself, the more you start honoring who you are and making those decisions that are aligned but are hard to make.
I moved into this apartment.
You moved to Maryland.
I'm from Maryland. I've lived here most of my life. I lived in Southern New York and Pennsylvania, which is over the line. It's twenty minutes. It's not far. Outside of that, I never went anywhere. Back in 2019, I moved to Florida for a year and a half. I came back and then in October 2021, I decided I want to live at the beach. I moved two and a half hours away. It wasn't far but it was still far from the beach. I lived there in 2021. It was amazing. I had the best time. It's so beautiful.
People even ask me now, "Why did you move back, Nikki?" There was an inner calling. It was something inside of me. When I was in Florida, I was homesick. I went by myself and tried to create a community and a life. I had a job some friends and things like that but it didn't feel inside. Something was still missing. When I came home, I was good for a while and then I was like, "I want to go somewhere." I went to the beach. It was beautiful but when I made the decision to back to Maryland, it was a snap decision on a Thursday morning. I specifically remember it. I was like, "Where am I going to live?"
I unconsciously have been looking for a week or two and scanning different websites for roommates and things like that. I remembered I had someone's number in my phone of an apartment complex that I looked at before I lived where I was living in Maryland at the time before. I hadn't talked to Dan in over a year and a half probably. That Thursday morning, I was going through my phone. I call him Apartment Dan. He doesn't know that. I was like, "Apartment Dan. I'm going to text him."
He's like, "I have an apartment open as we speak." I was like, "You've got to be kidding me." He's like, "No." I said, "Can I come to see you this weekend?" That was the 8th of October. I came up and looked at it. My sister who lives close met me and went through the apartments with me. The one that I took is upstairs. It's being remodeled. It's not even ready. I'm in a downstairs apartment temporarily that was also open. She said, "I wouldn't take that one." She didn't want me to take the upstairs one. She said, "If I were you, I would take the downstairs one because I wouldn't have room for all my stuff."
I was thinking in my head, "I don't have any stuff. This isn't for you. It's for me." She was looking at it through her lenses. When we get advice from other people, they're telling it to us through their perspective, not through our lenses. My sister and I are stark opposites. I asked her advice, "What do you think?" I can ask her opinion but she's not me. She doesn't know what would be best for me. I do know but when I ask everyone around me and they all give me their opinion, then it switches my intuition to their belief systems, not mine.
I love that so much because it's true. Many people tend to trust other people's advice more than the one they are getting themselves. Part of this journey is to listen more to your inner wisdom or gut. It is so beautiful because we have this system of body, mind and spirit that operates in perfect and harmonious ways. We have the most intelligent system of all. We don't listen and connect to it. I love that we are honoring it. If you're reading, you are too. That's why you're here. We are honoring that inner wisdom, inner voice or inner calling that we get consistently because it's always talking to us.
Many people tend to trust other people's advice more than their own. Everyone must learn to listen more to their inner wisdom and trust their gut.
I did take the upstairs apartment because that's the one that resonated with my soul. I'm in this one down here temporarily for two weeks until mine is ready. I'm so glad I did because I don't like this apartment. It's fine. It's beautiful and very nice but I've been hearing the people above me and all the things. I didn't want to live on the first floor. I'm going to be on the third floor. I'm going to be on the South side, which is where the sun comes up. I'm on the North side. There are so many things. I love the sun. I have a little sunshine necklace on right here.
She walks every single day. She gets her vitamin D.
One of my friends that I met calls me Nikki Sunshine. He's like, "Nikki Sunshine, how are you?" That resonated so much with me. That's a little bit of my call sign. Indirectly, I call myself Sunshine. When you say Nikki Sunshine, do you see how I have to smile when I say it? If I just say Nikki, I don't have to smile but when I say Nikki Sunshine, it changes my neurology. I can't be sad when I say Nikki Sunshine.
That's such a good reminder to be aware of how we feel in any situation and do what feels good. It sounds simple but we violate that need and boundary so many times. We are in many situations where we don't feel good. We keep doing it over and over thinking that we have to sacrifice fulfillment for success and feeling good to make others feel good. It doesn't make sense. We should take care of ourselves. Everything else outside of us will take care of itself.
There's something that popped into my head when you said that. My sister said, "Do you want me to look at the apartment with you," when I told her I was looking. I said, "I would love your opinion." We ask others' advice or opinion because we want their acceptance. We want them to accept what we're doing. If they give us advice that's the opposite, it's this inner turmoil, "I want to do what I want to do but I want to make her happy." It's like your parents telling you, "I want you to be a doctor."
You do it to make your parents happy. You hate being a doctor. You find out later in life when you have the second career that you want to be something different. Somebody asked you, "Whom do you want to be?" It's not, "Whom do I want you to be?" "What do you want to do?" It's not what I want you to do, "What do you want to have?" It's not what I want you to have. We look for that validation outside of ourselves because we want to be accepted by the group. Instead of being an outsider.
Everything we perceive on the outside is coming from the inside. The fact that we are seeking acceptance outside means that we need to accept ourselves and reconnect more with who we are because that's what we are projecting onto other people too.
Somebody I was working with said, "Not everybody is doing the work because not everybody is ready." When you are doing this work, it means that you are ready to go to the next level.
I always love leaving the amazing community with actionable tips or maybe the one thing they can do so they can continue trusting that voice and embracing their authentic self. What is the one thing that has worked for you? Maybe you do it every day or whatever it is.
I'm a health transformation coach. I'm also a certified Quit Smoking specialist. I help people to create a healthy life for themselves. For me, health starts in the mind. If I can quiet the chatter that's going on and I'm able to hear what I'm saying inside or my body speaking to me, our body is a super computer but we're not listening to it because we're listening to everything else. I love to write. I wrote this card. Somebody told me, "Tune out the noise. The noise is meant to distract you. Focus on you."
That's the only thing we need to worry about and pursue. Get to know yourself. I couldn't agree more with that. There are many tools. Meditation helps. Working out helps tune out the noise because you're doing a hard thing. You're pushing the boundaries of what you think you're capable of. Honestly, that's why I love running. I don't like running at all but I decided to run because I like to start my day by doing a hard thing. Whenever I said, "I did this hard thing," then I feel empowered and motivated to keep going through the day. I love what you said, Nikki. I resonate with that.
The other thing that I would say is to ask better questions to yourself. Our thinking comes from the questions we ask ourselves. We respond. Notice the questions you're asking yourself. For example, "Why me?" That's not a helpful question at all, "How can I grow? What is the lesson I'm learning?" Those are helpful questions for you to continue evolving to the next level. The quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you're asking yourself. Ask better questions.
I love it. It's funny you said, "Why me?" Why not me?
I love that reframe.
Why not me in this experience or whatever it is? To your point, what can I learn from it if I didn't have the experiences that I've had from age 0 to 50? I'm the best version of myself I've ever been. I turned 50 in 2022. With the experiences I've had, I can relate to people who have had similar experiences. My parents have passed. I know what that's like. They didn't die in a car crash. They died of poor health, which triggered my passion for health long before they ever died. When we have a similar experience, we can understand where people are on a similar plane and the fact that we are forging ahead, charging ahead and saying, "We will not be a victim to those experiences. We will become empowered by those experiences."
Honestly, I love the question, "Why not me?" in the context of doing something you have never done before. Transitioning from corporate to entrepreneurship, why not me? A lot of people have done it. Why not me? I can do this. I love that in a very empowering way too.
I don't know how to dance. I've never had a professional. I was like, "I want to dance." That part of me has fear around that. I can let go of that baggage. I said, "Why not me?" I'm going to sign up for personal classes somewhere and take some dance classes.
What are you going to start learning? You mentioned belly dancing.
There's an introduction to belly dancing at the community college five minutes from where I live. It starts in January 2023. I want to become a belly dancer. Why not me?
I need to see videos of that. That's awesome.
I'll do a video journal.
That's so cool, my friend. I'm so happy we did this. We are trying something new. Nikki and I talk almost every day. We have in-depth conversations. This was an attempt to bring to light many things we talk about that go through our minds every single day of challenges we face or things we are thinking. We're trying to be more empowered. We wanted to share this piece of wisdom with all of you. Nikki, this is a coffee chat. Here's an important question as we conclude. What is your favorite coffee type?
My coffee experience is limited. I like a regular roast with steamed oat milk. My coffee shop has spoiled me. I used to add the oat milk cold. It always made the coffee cold. I didn't understand. One day, one of the guys, Kai, at my coffee shop who's so adorable steamed it for me. I was like, "What did you do? This is amazing." He's like, "I just steamed the milk." It's oat milk. There's no dairy. I was like, "This is the best ever." They take care of me at that coffee shop in Rehoboth. I'm trying to find a new coffee shop because I'm not there anymore.
You're finding one now. That's awesome. Mine is a macchiato or cortado, which is an espresso with a little bit of milk. I love regular milk 1% usually with strong coffee like espresso. That's my favorite. Thank you so much, Nikki, for being here. I hope all of our community enjoy this episode. I appreciate all of you. Thank you for reading. If this was enlightening or helpful for you, please share it with your friends, family and everyone. Let's continue spreading the light of empowerment. Thank you, Nikki. Thank you, everyone.
Thank you.
Important Links
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Nikki Rineholt – LinkedIn
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Nikki Rineholt – Past Episode
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https://www.LinkedIn.com/company/Yanet-Borrego-Coaching/?viewAsMember=true
About Nikki Rineholt
Certified Quit Smoking Specialist, Certified Integrative NLP Coach, Master Practitioner of NLP, MER & Hypnotherapy.
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