Grief And Loss: Our Life’s Biggest Teacher
Feb 23, 2022
They always say grief comes in different stages, and it often starts with denial. When you lose a loved one, everything can feel hazy and uncertain. Nothing else matters other than the memories you’ve shared with them. This is followed by a moment of reflection on which paths you’ve taken and where your life is headed. In this episode, Yanet Borrego sits with us to talk about her own experiences of going through losses, facing the deaths of people close to you, and overcoming grief.
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Grief And Loss: Our Life’s Biggest Teacher
Welcome to another episode. This episode is going to be a very heartfelt one. It's February 2nd, 2022. My mom is in Cuba and my uncle from Spain texted me that my grandmother had passed away. She was struggling in the hospital and we didn't know what was going to happen until the day she passed away. Thankfully, my mom was able to travel to Cuba and she's there taking care of things. From 2021 until February of 2022, I've been faced with many deaths. My uncle was my role model, mentor and biggest inspiration other than my mom. He passed away in 2021 because of cancer.
He and my grandma were very close. I'm happy in a way because I know they are together. They were close and were together for most of my uncle's life in Cuba. They are together, resting in peace and joyful that they get to see each other again. I'm so excited and at the same time, sad. I don't know if you ever have gone through loss, but it's like a ride.
I remember when my uncle passed away from cancer. It doesn't hit you at first. I knew he was going to pass away because he had cancer. When people have cancer, you can see how they deteriorate. I remember, one day, I was talking with him on the phone. We would call every other day to Cuba and suddenly, I don't know if he fell asleep or something. He was getting weaker and weaker every time.
Dealing with a loss is always learning process.
2021 was the first time I've ever dealt with death. My family is small. I have my uncle that passed away that year. I have my grandma, my uncle in Spain, my mom here, my dad in Cuba, my half-brother, my half-sister and that's it. I never got the opportunity to meet any of my grandparents, except this grandmother, who passed away. Also, I lost another uncle, my dad's brother. Cody lost his dad to COVID in 2021. I'm going to be very honest. It has been a learning process for me on how to deal with a loss.
I have never lost anyone while I've been alive because my grandparents passed away before I was born. I had never dealt with life and suddenly, I was being faced with four different deaths very close to me. It was a learning process for me in terms of the mourning process, for sure. I feel with my uncle. When I was notified, I cried as I cried with my grandmother. There was a moment of disbelief that it was happening. It's a moment of shock. After that, there was a moment of sadness. It was 2 or 3 weeks without much strength. You feel sad that this is happening. After the sadness, there came a higher motivation.
It was something weird. That was when I decided to move from corporate to entrepreneurship because this is what I believe. Mortality and even the fragility of life is one of our biggest teachers. Buddha says, “The issue is that we believe we have time.” We don't. Right now is the only moment we have. I know you have heard this over and over, but I want you to think through it at a deeper level. We don't have guaranteed minutes or years from now.
What are you doing now to take control of your life? If you would die tomorrow, would you take the decisions you're taking now? Would you be in the situations you're in today? What impact do you want to leave in this world? What legacy do you want to leave in this world? How are you supporting those around you? What about the community? Is that important to you? Believe me, when my uncle and my grandmother passed away, which is something that you never prepare for, I started realizing how short life is and how unpredictable more than anything.
One of our biggest needs as human beings is certainty. We got to feel certainty inside and outside ourselves. Naturally, we get drawn to that. At the same time, life teaches us that there is so much uncertainty because there is no certainty related to the next moment. The only moment that is happening is now. When I looked back on my life in 2021, I realized I had all these dreams.
One of my biggest teachers in this regard was my uncle. He had many dreams. He loved reading about meditation. He was the one who taught me about neurolinguistic programming, which is the tools and skills I use in my coaching business. That's for you to realize all the synergies of life. In Cuba, He had a neurolinguistic programming book that he gifted me. It was the first book of my own that I had about personal development reading. He gifted me that one and one from Tony Robbins, Awaken The Giant Within.
The problem is that we believe we have time. We don't. Right now is the only moment we have.
He was, at that time, awakening himself. As you know, Cuba is a communist country and all his life, he was so loyal to that ideology. One day, he woke up and realized that he didn't believe in that anymore. At that moment, he had to reinvent himself and recreate his story. He had to ask himself, “Who do I want to be? How do I want to act? How do I want to show up moving forward?” It was such a beautiful shift to see. When my mom and I ran away from Cuba, we had this twelve-year gap where we didn't see our family because my mom was naturally scared to go back to Cuba. We had asked for political asylum.
Now it's okay because we asked for permission and they gave it to us. There was a twelve-year gap that we didn't see our family. I remember when I saw him, he was so different. He had awakened into this person who had a belief system he had created for himself. He decided not to follow anymore the programming he had received, but instead, he harnessed his inner and started to dig deeper and work on himself.
He started meditating, practicing NLP, reading different authors, seeing experiments and doing what he was called to do. He was 60 years old when he passed away from cancer. He had many dreams like talking to groups of people and helping them awake and realize that they are the creators of their reality and that all the tools they needed to succeed were inside of them because there is no need to look outside of us. That's one of the biggest lessons of life. Everything that we are looking for is inside already. There is no need to add more to it. The only thing you need is to take those layers, peel those layers off for you to harness your inner wisdom and tap into that innate power you were born with.
I was telling Cody that the lesson he had to learn in this life was truly breaking through his programmed beliefs and that he grew up with to start creating his reality. He did that. My uncle inspired and influenced me so much, so I'm going to influence so many people. I was telling Cody that was a lesson to be learned for him. After that, he passed away. He got what he was here for spiritually. I truly believe each of us is here to learn a set of lessons or a particular lesson.
My grandma had turned 88 in 2022 and was a powerhouse. I feel like our grandmas are the wisest and oldest people in our lives. She was so confident and went through so much. She lost her husband, my grandfather, when my mom was a baby. My mom is the youngest of all and she had three kids. She had to raise those three kids by herself. She didn't have a location and money. She went through hard times and she made it right. She survived and thrived in the end.
When I was going through my challenges at work back in 2014, I would call her and my uncle every day. I'm not exaggerating. They would give a comfort that I don't know that I'll get enough from anyone else. They would truly be there for me. That's what family is. No matter what the external circumstances are, they are there for you no matter what.
You are the creator of your own reality and all the tools you needed to succeed are inside of you.
My mom has been like that. My uncle, my grandma and my uncle from Spain, all of them have been there. Honestly, I have planned a different topic for this episode, but I wanted to honor their presence on this earth. I wanted to honor my grandmother, my uncles and my family overall because they have been my strongest foundation of all. My grandma taught me to be confident and not be afraid of anything because everything is within. My uncle taught me not to believe anything from anyone but instead experiment and believe to go within myself and see what resonates with me. Also, to test a theory.
That's why with my coaching clients, I'm always testing. We did a phobia model with one of my coaching clients who were afraid of pigeons. I took her to a pigeon’s place and I was like, “We got to test this because we need to make sure that it worked for you.” It did. She was convinced because she sees it. Test everything on what you have been taught to believe and question every single thing. Questioning and doubt. Not doubt about yourself but doubt about things and believe in things. That is one of your best friends.
I wanted to dedicate this episode to both of them and my family. I wanted to bring you these lessons of life. Life is temporary. Mortality is our biggest teacher. It can be one of the biggest motivators because then you realize that you have been placed here in this life with a purpose. What are you going to do with it? How are you going to show up? What difference and impact are you going to make in the world? The most important thing is that there is no tomorrow. The only time we have is now. When you look at your life and when you assess your life, is it a life you are proud of living?
I also want you to ask how you plan to continue growing? Hopefully, we will have more years to live, so how are you planning to grow and give? I want you to reflect on that. Let's empower each other to reach our highest potential because we can. Everything is in our mind and let's appreciate it every day because you wake up every day and take that first breath. That's what life is about. That means you have another opportunity to create because we are creators. That means that we have an opportunity to grow, give and make an impact.
One of the things I always love to give is more action item-based advice so you can put it into practice right away. One of the things that I do every day is dedicate five minutes of my day not only thinking but feeling the emotions that I have felt when I've experienced moments of gratitude and harnessing. Whenever you feel that, don't stay there with your physiology like nothing is happening. Feel that smile. Feel energized. Feel the moments of gratitude taking over your mind and body. Feel grateful that you are here in this life because we have one.
We wouldn't be here if there wasn't a higher purpose for us. Part of this is gaining clarity and direction in terms of your higher purpose, being grateful for this present moment and focusing your life on that growth and giving element. I hope you have a wonderful day. I didn't have a script for this episode or an outline either. This was again from the heart and soul. Everything that I'm feeling, I'm saying it now.
I hope this was helpful. If you have someone that is going through a loss, feels hopeless, stuck, depressed, struggling or going through a challenge, I want you to send that person this episode. Sometimes, we get to share our stories to inspire and empower others. We got to be vulnerable and show just as we are. I hope you all have a wonderful week. I'll see you next episode. Thank you for reading. I appreciate it.
Important Links:
- Awaken The Giant Within
- 3 Simple Questions
- Go-to 5 mins routine
- Facebook – Yanet Borrego Coaching
- Instagram - @YanetBCoaching
- LinkedIn – Yanet Borrego Coaching
- YouTube – With Clarity & Purpose
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