How To Let Go Of Perfectionism
Oct 19, 2021
We all struggle with perfectionism. There's definitely nothing wrong with wanting to do better, but expecting perfection from the get-go is a huge obstacle to getting better. Why? Because expecting to nail it right away will never happen. Improvement happens slowly and consistently after learning from a series of failed attempts. In this episode, Yanet Borrego extends a guiding hand to help you let go of perfectionism. If perfectionism is something you struggle with, you'd want to listen to this episode.
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How To Let Go Of Perfectionism
Our topic is about the syndrome of perfectionism. I have struggled with it, and I still do sometimes. A lot of my coaching clients do also. I figured this was going to be a good topic. All of you can benefit from it and can start taking action. Perfectionism is interesting. One of the first things that come to my mind in those job interviews when they ask you, “What is your weakness?” People would say, “I'm a perfectionist.” Some people wear perfectionism as a badge of honor, “I'm a perfectionist. I need the way to start onto all of these as perfect.”
Perfectionism is no different than procrastination because it's just another big call that we use sometimes to not start whatever we want to work on. This is ingrained in the unconscious level of our society. I was like, “What exactly happens earlier on in our life that may be of influence to these perfectionism tendencies of people of not wanting to fail or maybe not wanting to be perceived as they are not being perfect? They are not doing it great.”
A lot of earlier years in our life, we spend in school. After we finished school, including Bachelor’s or if you're doing Master’s, PhD or anything else, we spend a lot of those hours in a career or in a job, whatever job you decide to have. Even when we are still children, our educational system teaches us that there is always a right answer.
As the incentive of getting this right answer in our tests, quizzes or whatever methodology you experienced in your educational years, you always get a good grade. We have been programmed since earlier onto knowing that there is always a right answer in that paper and that multiple choice. When we got that right answer, then we get rewarded.
It has been this incentivized system of always having it right and perfect. When you don't have a right in an exam or in a test, you don't get rewarded. The opposite happens. You get subtracted a point or something. You might get a bad grade. Since earlier on, in our brains, we have been programmed that in order to be incentivized, we must be perfect and have the right answer.
In our educational years, everything was pretty linear if you think about it. You studied hard, got a good grade and opportunities. Everything was connecting the dots in a linear way. When we are done with those educational years, we join the workforce. In the workforce, nothing is linear. It can go in different ways. In life, things are not linear. A lot of times, things are about knowing how to experience the cycles that we go through. The important part is not to go up in a linear way but to cycle up. Maybe it's not a cycle, maybe it's a spiral or something. Whatever form that adopts, the main thing is always to progress.
You're not going to get it perfect, or even correct, the first time. You learn as you go.
I love what Tony Robbins says, “Progress equals happiness.” I totally agree because we always want to do better. It doesn't matter what area you are focusing on, either career, relationships, family or health. We always want to do better because we want to have the major impact in ourselves and in society that we can have. Perfectionism is a big obstacle to getting better because you cannot be perfect if you don't even start.
The only way to perfect something and make something better is to do it and give it a go. When you're walking that path or that initiative, or when you’re designing that project or improving that relationship, then you get more feedback. With feedback, you improve. As you walk farther, you’ll become smarter about the decisions you make. There is no failure, only feedback. It is important to continue collecting those data points in order for us to be better.
You are not alone. I’ve struggled with perfectionism. One of the first stories or situations that come into my mind was I had this amazing idea of doing a 100-day Meditation Challenge that I did back in 2019. Let me explain to you what that entailed. Each day, I was going to meditate for one-hour in silence. After meditating, I was going to go to social media, Instagram or Facebook, and post a video of my insights during that meditation, 1-minute, 2-minute, 3-minute, 5-minute video, however long I did it.
I remembered starting day one of the 100-day Meditation Challenge. During that day one, I meditated. It was cool. I was like, “I have to record a video, an insight. What is an insight that I got?” I decided to record a video. I did it once, twice, 3 times, 4 times, 5 times. I wanted the video to be perfect. After the twentieth time of not loving the video, I got a realization, “Yanet, this is day 1 of 100 days. You have spent 1 hour trying to record these 5-minute video. How are you going to make it to 100 days if in day one, you wanted it to be perfect?”
At that moment, I realized and I made a commitment to myself, “I'm going to learn as I go. Maybe in day 1 I'm not going to be as good as in day 20. By day 100, I'll be a lot better than when I started.” I made the commitment to myself of recording the video and immediately, whatever thing came out of my mouth at that time, I was going to post.
It wasn't about perfection. It was more about progress and consistency. That's something that helps me. It’s focusing on making progress and being consistent. Your best is going to be different every single day. Something that I wanted to mention that also helps me is a lot of times, you're focused on the details and on the granular part, “This video is not coming the right way that I wanted.”
What helped me a lot, and I've done this with several people in my coaching business, is you’ve got to be able to see that same situation from a higher purpose and level. I was thinking of the day one video, but then I had to take myself out of that situation and think of my bigger vision. I was like, “This is 100 days. I'm day one. I’ve got to let go of that perfectionism. I’ve got to start and keep going.” Taking yourself, looking at the situation at a higher level, bringing your vision back and your why helps a lot to put things into perspective.
Another story that I wanted to share with all of you was a story about my business cards. My brand strategist, @LynseyCreative, she’s amazing. I interviewed her for one of these episodes. You'll meet her. She designed my business cards. She's like, “Yanet, what is your website?” I gave her the website that I wanted. Immediately after I gave her the website, I made sure that it was available on the internet, that the domain was available and then I reserved it.
She got my business cards on and I love them. I started to circulate them and give them to people, even though my website was not done. It wasn't perfect. Everything that I had in the business card, my website wasn't even existent. When I had to change my perspective, I put myself up there, let go of that granular detail and bring back the vision, “I have my own business. I’ve got to market myself and let myself be known. If the website is not available, my cell phone and email is there.” Bringing yourself back to that higher level of perspective is important. I finalized my website and I was totally okay with it.
As you continue to execute, you get more comfortable with this concept of bringing your bigger vision and for a moment, letting go of those granular details because it's going to happen if you're committed to a process. I was committed to creating my website, and it happened. It just didn't happen on the order you would expect, but all the elements on those business cards are now alive. It's about keeping that higher vision always in front of you.
Here are a couple of tips to let go of that perfectionism. Have that bigger vision and the ‘why’ in front of you. Whenever you are seeing yourself focusing on those granular details, you’ve got to snap out of that and think of the bigger vision. I love what companies have when they're developing a digital tool. They develop and design first the MVP, Minimum Viable Product. This is the product with the least amount of functionality and elements that is going to get the main job done.
What you need to think of your initiative on some projects, “What is the simplest thing that I can design that will get the job done?” In my case, it was the business cards, even though I didn't have the website right there. That's number one, always keeping in mind your vision. The number two is remembering that perfectionism is procrastination. When you bring that into perspective, what you’ve got to know is that you’ve got to take that first step and start.
That takes me to number three, consistency and progress over perfection. You’ve got to be able to have integrity with your word and demonstrate to yourself that you can make it happen on a consistent basis. When you start doing that, things start to get a lot easier because you start realizing that you're learning as you go. The other tip that I was going give related to that is be an eternal student.
You're not going to get it perfect or maybe right the first time. You're learning as you go. As you're walking the path on taking one step at a time, you continue getting more bits of information. Start, be open to learning on the way and make it happen. Have fun on the process and explore. That's what life is about, experimenting in every step of the way.
I always leave you with one question, and this episode is no exception. The one question for all of you, my lovely community, is to think what are those things that you have been procrastinating about that you wanted to have all the information to start so it can be perfect? Once you realize and gain insights of what those things are, remember to start with action and prioritize those things because maybe there are a couple. What is the most important one? What is going to get you the highest value with the least effort?
After you have prioritized those things, give it a go. Make it happen. Take your first step, which is the important one. We all start with one first step. I love the quote that says, “A journey of 1,000 miles starts with that first step.” We are all right there. I'm all right there with all of you. We are all in this journey. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I'll see you next time.
Important Links:
- @LynseyCreative – Instagram
- https://www.YBCoaching.com/coaching
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