Turning Impostor Syndrome Into Self-Discovery Syndrome
Nov 30, 2021
Impostor syndrome is experienced by everyone at some point in their lives. It could lead to a feeling of loneliness, a lot of self-doubts, and seeing yourself as an alien in almost every setting. But instead of allowing it to elevate your weak points, perhaps you can use it to your advantage. Yanet Borrego explains how to transform impostor syndrome into a journey towards self-discovery. She talks about focusing on knowing yourself better rather than constantly seeking external validation. Yanet also discusses how this differs from the uncertainties of trying new things, which calls for you to turn on a beginner's mindset.
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Turning Impostor Syndrome Into Self-Discovery Syndrome
Welcome to episode number ten. Our topic is Impostor Syndrome. I am sure you have heard that term before, haven’t you? We all struggle with it at some level. In this episode, I would love to shed some light on my perspective. Before getting into the meat of the episode, I would love to remind you that I prepared a free guide.
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Every path is different, and it's never too late to start.
Let's get into the meat of the content. The impostor syndrome. This is something that we often hear from everywhere, from everyone, how they feel. The reality is that it's something that I personally struggle with. I know a lot of people that I know struggle with it. Why is this important? I truly believe that impostor syndrome is a necessary step for you to continue gaining clarity on your path.
That is why everyone struggled with these. I'm going to reframe it. Instead of impostor syndrome, I would love to reframe this term to the self-discovery syndrome. I'm going to explain why. My whole life was very dynamic. I was born in Cuba, where all my family still is, except my mom and myself. When I was nine years old, we moved to Mexico for three years. In that move, I had to adapt to new friendships, cultures and school. Three years after being in Mexico, we moved to Puerto Rico, where I spent most of my life. In that second move, I had to adapt to a new culture and language because, in Puerto Rico, we speak both Spanish and English. We speak Spanglish, which is 90% Spanish and 10% English.
You can ask anyone who is Puerto Rican. It's true. I remember going to Puerto Rico, adapting to a new language, friendships, culture, and way of being. When I arrived in Puerto Rico, it was October. Literally, the first semester of high school was finishing. We had to find a high school urgently. Thankfully, I’ve got into a Catholic high school, which was very highly regarded. I had a scholarship there.
A lot of the students there came from wealthy families. As I observed these, I started to feel a little bit out of place and that I didn't belong there. I remember one time everyone was talking about Christmas. What gifts did they get? Where did they go? At that time, my mom didn't have any money to buy any gifts. Honestly, that was a tradition we had never celebrated before. I felt out of place. Looking back, that is something that I felt throughout my whole life that I didn't belong to a place because the reality is that I didn't.
I was moving from Cuba, Mexico, Puerto Rico and the United States. I was a nomad, nothing good or bad. This is how my life turned out, which I'm incredibly grateful for because if not, I wouldn't be here. At the same time, it was something that drove me to gain more clarity in terms of who I was and what are the things that moved me as a person.
When you start aligning yourself with your purpose and the person that you are, external validation becomes secondary.
I remember after graduating from Chemical Engineering, starting to work as an engineer, I truly felt like an impostor as I was working in that refinery with very technical assignments. I felt I didn't belong there. It’s because I felt that way at that moment in my career, that was the biggest driver for me to start exploring where did I belong. What was the place that I was looking for?
Soon I realized that place was not external to me. That place was internal to me. As I started to gain more clarity in who I was, I started to gain insights in terms of the things that I valued in my life and the type of people that I wanted to have around, so I could feel more empowered, spontaneous and adventurous. I have always been a person that I love to try new things and, through action, gain clarity, which is something I recommend to every single person.
You wouldn't know if you like it unless you try it. The impostor syndrome, I'm reframing it as the self-discovery syndrome because it is often a trigger to get to know ourselves better. It is often a trigger to say there may be something else in your life that you need to explore, experiment and gain clarity with. As an engineer, I didn't feel that fulfillment. I felt like an impostor often. I realized that I didn't enjoy the job either.
Sometimes when we are in a place that we don't enjoy, it is normal to feel that impostor syndrome. Your mind and your body are signaling you, “You need to move in a different direction.” It doesn't mean that it's going to happen in that second. You are not going to go from 0 to 100. It took me eight years to go from when I started my career to now, where I'm fully living my purpose and helping people do the same.
The important part is that you start walking. It may not take you eight years like me. It might take you 1, 2, 3 years. Every path is different, and it's never too late to start. That's why I called impostor syndrome the self-discovery syndrome. You’ve got to trust yourself. Within yourself, something is telling you, “You’ve got to get to know yourself better. You’ve got to discover new ways where you can feel that you can belong.”
What I said is totally true. It is a journey within. It's inside out, not outside in. It starts with how you are feeling within because what you interpret outside of you is a reflection of what is going on within you. When you feel inside, comfortable with who you are, which does take time. Discovering who you are is another process that we go through.
When you start feeling more comfortable, you also start feeling more confident in taking bold decisions that may not be the popular ones or may not be what everyone else does but you know it’s the right thing for you to do. Whenever you feel impostor syndrome, you’ve got to ask yourself, “What is driving me to feel this way? What is triggering this feeling? Am I fulfilled and happy where I am?”
Sometimes that may be one of the reasons why that you need to continue gaining clarity. The other thing is, “Am I clear on where I'm heading?” Part of the impostor syndrome is feeling lost and stuck because you don't have direction. You don't know the person that you want to be in the future that you are doing all the things you are doing to get there.
Gain clarity by questioning everything that you know and do.
This is something that I mentioned in a lot of episodes. You’ve got to be clear on your direction. You’ve also got to be clear on who you are and who you want to be as a person. I was talking to one of my clients, and she's starting her MBA at a London University. She told me as one of the exercises that the university gave the students was to write their eulogy.
I was like, “That is freaking brilliant.” Who do you want to be known as? That is part of your direction. Based on that, you are going to start making decisions that lead to that. When you start aligning yourself with your purpose and the person that you are and want to become, that external validation becomes secondary. The impostor syndrome is also an indication that you are focusing too much on the external. You may be because it depends, seeking validation from the external world and disregarding your internal validation.
It is also a checkpoint to go back to yourself, your inner wisdom within you, and ask yourself, “Am I seeking too much external validation?” It is normal to seek it. Don't judge yourself because you are doing it. I do it every now and then. We are still human beings. We are going to keep being human beings until our last day on this Earth. Meaning that we will continue improving and working on different or the same things.
It is important that during your journey, you strengthen that inner connection and trust of doing what you know is right for you because no one else will know except you. You’ve got to be able to communicate that with yourself and establish those boundaries with others, so you can live in fulfillment and satisfaction. Whenever you get there, those days where you feel like an impostor will start decreasing.
This is the other thing about impostor syndrome. For example, I am on my entrepreneurial journey. Every time I'm going to try a new thing or do a new initiative or project, I can feel that thing from the impostor syndrome. It is normal. I don't think it’s impostor syndrome. It is the excitement, uncertainty, and you and me carrying that what we want to do and explore, we want that to turn all right. We want that to be able to impact people and yourself.
It is okay to feel nervous about something or excited, or maybe a little bit worried, hoping that things will turn out okay. I don't think that's impostor syndrome but I can see how a lot of people can confuse it. It is normal to feel uncertain when you are doing something that you have never done before. Part of dealing with this is honoring that beginner's mindset, being open to the learnings that the path will bring you.
The first time is not going to be perfect. You’ve got to do it over and over so you can gain those learnings, and perfect them later on the journey. I could see how the impostor syndrome or perception of the impostor syndrome came into play. It's important to not let ourselves be stopped by the fear of not having it right or the fear of not having all the information to try something new.
We’ve got to continue improving and pushing our boundaries to get there. The other thing as you progress in this journey of life is to start recognizing your strengths. What are you good at? What are you passionate about? What is that one thing or a couple of things that refuel you? Part of recognizing that is utilizing that to your favor so you can continue building that confidence in those.
When you are passionate about something and you repeatedly do it, you start cultivating that feeling of belonging. You are good at it. You are passionate about it. You believe in it. The more you do it, the more you fill that tank. You can deal with everything else in your life. We all question our abilities. It is okay. I would be more concerned if you wouldn't be questioning your abilities.
I had this professor when I was starting in Chemical Engineering. David was his name. I remember telling him, “Professor David, I'm always questioning what I do.” He said, “Yanet, the wisest people are the ones that question what they do. If you wouldn't be questioning what you do, I would be worried. The fact that you are questioning is the fact and means that you are open to new learnings and possibilities. Keep questioning what you do because that's how you start gaining clarity.”
This also means that you are going to be insecure about it. In my opinion, we’ve got to let go of that fear of asking questions to ourselves and others. We have installed in society this belief, that same statements make you feel and be confident. Ask more questions because that's what true leaders, true communicators, master leaders, master communicators do.
Ask more questions to yourselves and others because, in the path, you will be receiving those answers. Those answers are the ones that are going to set your direction, help you master your mindset, and allow you to tap into that clarity of who you are. I hope this was so helpful. I know we all struggle with these. It is okay. I would like you to start reframing it into a self-discovery syndrome rather than an impostor.
Impostor syndrome puts you in a position that this is negative already and it is not much you can do about it. When you think of self-discovery syndrome, it puts you in a curious position of wanting to explore and discover more about yourself. I always leave you with this question with each one of the episodes. The question is, where do you need to take more clarity and direction in your life so you can feel that you belong even more? I will see you next episode. I hope you have an amazing day. I appreciated having all of you here.
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